So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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