Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
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iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
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Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize