my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
