Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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