I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
