check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Define "chronic" masturbator.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
