Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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