Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
