My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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