Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
