You just made me feel so damn special
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
In other news, I just burned my penis
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
