what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I had to cum in my sink.
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