Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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