Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
