Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
