I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
