grandma shit on top of the toilet
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
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September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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