Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
