i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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