I am in a vortex of obligation.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
