4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
