she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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