I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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