Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
