Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
