I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
