In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
