i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
