the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
