I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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