Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
