I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
