He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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