four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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