I just made out with a guy for $7.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
