You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
