I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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