I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
