i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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