her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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