All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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