Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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