meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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