I am in a vortex of obligation.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
