I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
