Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
