I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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