Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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