oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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