Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
