this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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