I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
