New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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