dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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