You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
