I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
