Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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