Don't you send me to vm
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
