so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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