If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
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Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
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I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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