I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
