I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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