id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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