Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
