How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
