Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
OPIZZABONMYDICK
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
