Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
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She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
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WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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