The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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