Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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