so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
