You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
