Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
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At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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