so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
