We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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