So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
