Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
