My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
