I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
